CORONAVIRUS

Working from home

The Do's and Don't of working from Home during this difficult time.

Frequently Asked Questions

We asked our WFH experts for the top questions. Find the answers below

Q: What time should you start work ?

A: Before noon is a good target. At least for the first week.

Q: Is it ok to drink during the day ?

A: Of course. Who's house is it ? Employee law doesn't apply at home. That's been proven by facts and shit.

Q: What would you suggest as a daily schedule ?

A: Well, start on weak stuff. Maybe light beer, some spritzers if you've managed to make it up before noon. At noon we suggest a bottle of red or white as appropriate with lunch. In the afternoon, you can now continue the session, sticking to your wine of choice, or mix it up a bit with some spirits - a refreshing G&T between every bottle of wine helps the afternoon fly by.

Q: I get tired at work. Will working at home be any different ?

A: Yes, unless your workplace has bedroom, you'll find WFH a far more relaxing experience. Having a nap in the afternoon is after all good enough for the whole of Spain. Open your arms to other countries ways of working - we are, after all in this all together.

Q: Each country does things differently. What should I do in {insert your country here}

A: We would advice taking the best from each Country. Some countries don't start work till 10am. Some have a 2 hour lunch break. Some have an afternoon siesta, and some finish as early at 3.30pm. Combine these 'best practices' into the ideal WFH day.

Q: I have young kids. Is WFH practical ?

A: Absolutely. You have two choices - firstly, consider starting them off on alcohol as you've opened the bottle anyway. You'll find most kids will fall asleep for the day after 2 or 3 glasses of spirits (you maybe need to put these into their favourite drink). secondly, if that doesn't work, give them the keys to your office and send them on their way - kids will love fecking about in the office all day, breaking stuff, setting things on fire, etc.

Q: My partner also wants to work from home. Is this practical ?

A: Possibly. But only if you have 2 large TVs. You will require exclusive access to a TV to binge watch Netflix series back to back. Do you really want to be having to watch the abysmal crap they watch ? If you only have 1 tv, consider this as a great time to get another one. This is a time to make use of that uncapped broadband, and 3 stream limit on Netflix.

Q: Should I be answering the door during the day ?

A: If naked, we'd say no. However ultimately it's your choice. If you are not naked, Why ? Try it - it's very freeing, and red wine stains clean off skin much easier than clothes. However do make sure you take the advice of Tom below.

Q: Er.. what about, you know.. porn.

A: As long as you don't use the webcam, who's to know where your hands are, or what your watching on the screen when your on that business teleconference or Skype call ? No one that's who. Get stuck in. so to speak.

Q: What do I do if there's a power outage ?

A: There is a reason why we don't 'make our own entertainment' any more. It's shit. Avoid getting into this situation by buying a pish load of massive USB power-packs from amazon and ensuring they are all charged. Worst case, you need to watch Netflix on the phone and tablet for a few weeks.

Q: I need to be 'online' all the time. My boss knows if I'm not because my icon turns to 'away'.

A: You my friend, need a 'mouse jiggler' - google it. once installed it will wiggle that mouse around a tiny amount randomly faking your computer into thinking you are busy at work. To your boss, you are online 10 hours a day! A star employee !!

 

Tips from WFH experts

Jan - "WFH-FAQ helped me so much.I've never been happier - I limit myself to 1 bottle of wine a day. The rest is spirits. Lack of toilet paper is a problem I admit. But I have an absorbent small dog."
May - "WFH-FAQ I love you:I get up about noon, and work for an hour in the hot tub. The trick is to sound busy. And take calls in the bog. I had problems explaining the farting noises I can tell you."
Sara - "Living at the beach means WFH required good 4g.. cause I'll be on the beach. get a good noise cancelling headset or they'll hear the sea."
Tom - "WFH-FAQ please add this to your FAQ:Don't do video calls. They can see you're pissed. Or naked. Or pissed and naked."
Shane - "It's so  much easier to do a line whenever I like. I never miss supermarket sweep. And no more company web filtering! I can easily fit in 4 hours a day webcam modelling as 'Miss Peepee'
Tora - "Drink at least 10 cups of wine a day to avoid dehydration. It's great fun speaking to folk you hate while making 'wanker' hand gestures"
Rav - "Sure, it took me some adjusting, but now I'm just as unproductive  as I ever was"
Jeyni - "I reward myself with a shot for every email I write. The day flies by. I miss not being able to have my daily shit at the office though. Now I need to clean the pan. Best thing though is being able to relax into my true dragon form ."
 
Rob - "For the first week I hated it. No one to talk to. Then I started talking to myself. Since then I can't shut up. What ? I know I've just told them. Eh ? I've already got a drink. Oh ok. make it a double. what's that Mr Flibble ? Yes I DO think my fingers need shortening. Where's that knife Mr Flibble?"
Jan - "Ok, I'm supposed to be working at home. But my daughter is 1. Have you tried staying in the same room with a 1 year old for 8 hours a day ? I'm at the back of the garden. the laptop lasts for 8 hours. I have 3 bottles of vodka here, and 5 packets of hobnobs. I think I can make them last all week"
 

Suggested Schedule

10:00

Get up

10:30

No, really. Get up.

12:00

Mediterranean lunch (aka bottle of wine, pot noodle, hob nob)

13:00

Sheesh exhuasted ? Have a sleep

16:00

Feck its 4pm.. answer some emails. Call someone and sound lke you've been really busy all day and just got around to calling them

17:00

Turn PC off. whew.. that was a long day. Treat yourself to a few beers, maybe a G&T. How about a bath ?

 
wfh-faq.yolasite.com is provided for your entertainment. Any resemblance to actual working from home is purely incidental

-Powerlord

p.s. if you like this, and want to show your appreciation - just watch some of my cool flying videos on my youtube channel:

youtube.com/
theflyingscotsmantv

here's one of my latest below:

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